This is "Random Story #1" from the forums. I've compiled them into one long story so you can read it here. Have Fun!



One day in the peaceful little village of Monkenville a strange man wearing a brightly colored cloak came to town. He was carrying a small bag with green smoke coming from it. It didn't take long for news to spread throughout the village about the strange man, and soon many of the villagers were watching him closely from their windows.

It was rather early and so not many people were awake. The Man walked to the center of town and opened his bag and then suddenly a man, rather a knight of some sort, lept upon the strange man and sealed the bag shut.
"I think not, sorcerer- I think not." Said the knight aggressively, sporting a slight smile. To be exact, it was a sorcerer from Halskadir in the South, who had come for various reasons- most likely to contaminate the water supply with some sort of magic.
The people watched from afar, half in awe, half in shock, as they watched the knight unsheath his blade and hold it to to sorcerer's throat, whose green bag had been knocked out of his hand, and a good distance out of his reach.
The sorcerer pleaded for his life. The knight decided to pull off his mask and reveal his true identity! He wasn't really a man at all! He was in fact some sort of Alien life form. He then mumbled some words in an unknown language and a large fleet of ships appeared above him from out of the clouds.

The people who were watching from afar, were no longer watching in awe, and shock but were instead running through the town screaming in fear! The sorcerer now slightly confused grabbed the "knight's" sword from the ground where he had dropped it and hurled it towards the coming ships! Then Chuck Norris descended from the clouds and shot lasers out of his eyes at the ships. The village was saved! Before anyone could thank him he ascended to the heavens again. The man with the bag of green smoke snatched up his belongings and uttered a curse on the village. To this day no person in Monkenville is able to breathe underwater.

The man began his trek to the city. His knapsack was endlessly full of exotic herbs and spices to keep the rocks and dirt he ate interesting. One day, he came upon a little lizard. It was sunbathing on the side of the road, and sported a rather odd-looking babuska. The lizard stood up on two feet and begged for change. The man ignored him, but after being tormented for hours by a begging lizard, he gave a random herb. The lizard turned into a frog and the man turned into a 6-foot tall lizardman, who has a craving for pizza with mushrooms. But sadly, pizza wasn't invented yet! So the lizard man had to invent pizza by getting a degree at culinary arts school. This meant he must go to Mount Monk to find the green pod of belchinsmith, and so he started his long journey. He was very tired from being attacked earlier by aliens, so he decided to sleep under a nearby tree. He lay awake for a while staring at the sky and watching the stars, and soon he was fast asleep.

Suddenly he heard a voice! "Hey you! lizard man! what are you doing under me tree?" Slightly startled he looked up into the eyes a small hunchbacked man who was staring at him with an oily glare. The man grabbed lizard man by the throat with long wire tongs. "Pleeeese!" said lizard man, "let me go! I only with to scale mount monk and retrieve the green pod of belchinsmith!"

"the pod of belchinsmith you say!" said the hunchback "ahhh ha ha haaa, the pod is only a fairy tale young lad! You don't look like much of a man to me anyhow!" Then the hunchback let lizard man go and pulled out a piece of Candy cane dipped in wet chocolate which he used to record this incident in his journal. But as he pulled it out, it exploded and killed a friendly hermit walking by. Suddenly, an Alien UFO ran into the Magic Pencil, source of all candy on the planet and broke it. Obviously something had to be done! But what? The hunchback decided to send the LIzard Man to collect all of the candy cane shards that were scattered around the world. The hunchback told the lizard man that there were four shards in all and the first was underground below the "Desert of Dreams". Every man that entered the desert never came back, but Lizard Man had to go if he ever wanted to reunited the pieces. So he set off on his journey on his way to the desert. On the way he saw his evil twin named SAM! The lizardman spoke: "I don't know how you found me SAM!, but you're going to Give me all of your water, or would you rather die?"
Sam chose the latter, unsheathing his sword mightily slowly. Yet the lizard man was already upon him, swinging his double edge sword to and fro, narrowly missing Sam's head. Sam rolled clumsily to the left as if to block the oncoming strikes, he fought to his feet then threw his entire body at his brother who seemed quite surprised at the attack.

The lizard man stumbled backward and hit the ground.
"He's going to try and crush me, not good" thought the lizard man, he pointed his sword upward just before Sam landed on it, piercing his bottle of water.
They rolled, struggling, still trying to disembowel each other.
Then everything went dark. They had fallen underground.

The lizard man had rolled over so that he was on top of his squirming evil brother, he let go of his sword and punched Sam's head into the ground, causing him to grunt and then become unconscious.

The lizard man freed himself from his brothers loosened grip then he said to the nearby birdies flying by..."What is the meaning of life?" The birds then new their cover was blown and they turned into ninjas! As the ninjas withdrew their ninja stars, the lizard man grabbed his evil twin and used him as a human shield. He then picked up one of the ninja stars that was embedded in his evil twin and flung it at the closest ninja. The other two ninjas then started to charge, so the Lizard man threw his evil twin at one of them and roundhouse kicked the other. After the perfect kick, he had a flashback of his teacher, Chuck Norris, in the dojo teaching him the skills of a fighter. But then a thought occurred to him! He realized that Chuck Norris had already been referenced in the story. He realized that he had been sinful. Suddenly, God came down from the heavens and whacked the lizard-man on the head. This could only mean that god was angry at the lizard man for slacking off, when he should be finding the candy cane shards. So the Lizard Man took a few ninja stars from the dead ninjas and continued on his journey. The Lizardman walked and walked and walked and walked and died. Well, then he came back to life; sort of. He was missing an arm. Actually then he lost his other arm somehow. He did somersaults all the way to the Desert of Dreams. Seeing there was no candy cane shard, he lost his arms again. He then found out this Desert of dreams was actually a new amusement park ride at some Disneyland park somewhere. Probably Antarctica. Finding out this wasn't where he needed to go, he decided to BUT THEN HE GOT HIS ARMS BACK SO HE decided to go to Antarctica. He booked a flight with Continental Airlines and flew as far south as he could to Africa. Then he hiked across the blazing deserts and savannas to South Africa, where he met Bear Grylls. Bear Grylles was doing a special episode on Antarctica, so he agreed that the Lizard Man could hitch a ride. While flying over the south pole, the pilot had a heart attack, forcing Bear and the Lizard Man to skydive out of the plane.

While in the air 500,000 feet up, the lizard man found out that his parachute didn't work! So he tried to increase his speed to catch up to Bear Grylls down below him. But, the lizard man realized that he was going to fast! He crashed into Bear Grylls' back, causing them to both spin out of control screaming like girls. Bear held onto the Lizard man and open the chute. Just in time too, because they both landed on top of the biggest ferris wheel in the world at the "Desert of Dreams" in the new Disney Theme Park. The Ferris Wheel was 10,000 feet up in the air. Bear Grylls and the lizard man decided to grab onto a nearby string of flags to zipline down to the bottom of the park. Then they started to search underwater. Suddenly, the Lizardman realized he could not breathe underwater. He started to drown. His last thought was, "Don't let this forum topic die!" But it was too late. The END, maybe but just in case he did eventually die, the Lizard Man made a clone of himself! but the clone wasn't a lizard it was a Ferris Wheel! Which leapt out of the water and into... umm... the water. So... The Ferris wheel... um suddenly exploded into a bunch of kittens! One of the kittens was named tom, and poor little tom was soaking wet from falling in the water! Tom the kitten swam to shore and shook the water out his soft fur. He than begun licking himself clean, but that's when he spotted a fly buzzing above his head.

Tom, following his instincs, took off after the fly! The fly darted this way and that with Tom in hot pursuit! When suddenly the fly flew into a mansion full of elderly undead ponies knitting socks! Tom spoke: "Oh my tail is on fire!" And one of the ponies laughed in a creaky voice, "ha ha haaa, foolish kitten you have spawned from the wrong ferris wheel today!" Then the ponies all started breathing fire. "Burn kitten! Burrrrrrn!"

Tom was very frightened. "Oh please elderly undead plot twists! Don't hurt meeeeee! MEeeeeeeOW!!!!" Suddenly the ponies stopped, and started laughing uproariously! "What's so funny?" asked tom. That's when it happened! A giant version of OldManClayton came from the sky. The Kitten said, "No admin, you shall never find out the truth about me! BWahahaha!!!" For he was a fake account a.k.a. Emmet!!! Oh my gawd!!!-ish. OMC said to Emmet a.k.a. TheWoodSpoon: "We do not tolerate fake accounts here." THe kitty was kicked out of TDC.

THE END

The Random Story Game #2 is in process at the forums. Go and contribute!