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Posted By
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Message
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Sketchy
Cornwall UK
Registered
06/11/2004
Points
1970
 
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Very nice Adam.
Still just a back story though, and a long one at that - most players wouldn't want to sit through an intro 1/4 the length of that.
I like some of the names - "Misha" (Mischa?) definitely sounds right for a video game character.
Don't like "Boukans" or "Phlog" though. I think a revolutionary new substance would probably have a name that means something - maybe derived from Greek or Latin, or perhaps named after its discoverer in some way (eg."Tiberium" in C&C games actually sounds plausible).
So far, it wouldn't matter which backstory you choose, as none of them have any practical implications for the game engine whatsoever.
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aphant
Registered
18/05/2008
Points
1242
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But it has plot. At the end of the prologue, there is an interaction between the two villians. They're going to blow stuff up. Shortly before that, there is mentioning of things that will change as the game progresses. Rails that need fixing, events that are going to happen, places that will pop into existence. It's all there.
Also, phlog? Short from phlogiston. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phlogiston_theory Check where the name comes from: from the Ancient Greek φλογιστόν phlŏgistón "burning up", from φλόξ phlóx "fire"
Hah! Covered the Greek derivation thing, too. 
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Sketchy
Cornwall UK
Registered
06/11/2004
Points
1970
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Fair enough with the "Phlog" thing, but I still think it sounds stupid, and so will most people who don't go looking it up on wikipedia.
And no, what you wrote does not constitute a plot.
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Matthew Wiese
The Fencer
Registered
01/02/2009
Points
149
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Sketch, then what do you have in mind instead of critiquing all our stories? Let's see what you can do. We NEED backstory, so the plot isn't like this:
Level 1:
Bob: Joseph go save the king!
Joseph: Why the hell would I do that?
Bob: Because he's THE KING!
Joseph: But my taxes are high enough already.
--Both are quiet--
__________
We need back story, like how and why the King was kidnapped. Who are Bob and Joseph? Where is the story taking place? Who were the King's kidnappers? Etc. The things we learned in like 3rd grade.
EDIT: Needed "?."
EDIT2: Blah stuff
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aphant
Registered
18/05/2008
Points
1242
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I think we have different definitions of plot, then.
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dndfreak
Registered
11/01/2009
Points
650
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i didnt bother with the during-game stuff bc that will change depending upon game length and the types of submissions for peoples custom levels. as for the engine-not-related thing, take a look at my post in the ENGINE IDEAS SUGGESTION TOPIC!!! And plus the one i jotted down will show a bit about the world's transitions and stuff. the steamships could even have their own minigame levels galaga-style 
Vegeta? What does your mother say about my power level?
ITS OVER 9000!!!
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Sketchy
Cornwall UK
Registered
06/11/2004
Points
1970
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I don't write stories, and I'm not trying to say they're all shit or that they shouldn't be used. Think of my criticism as me trying to motivate you to get the most out of your ideas.
I agree that some backstory is needed, but only enough to "set the scene" - not a whole short-story in itself. I'm just saying I'd like to know a bit more about where they see it going aswell, that's all.
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dndfreak
Registered
11/01/2009
Points
650
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Alright fine but the problem it is that the character design and location will be largely based on the level input of the other designers so I can't say anything for certain.
Vegeta? What does your mother say about my power level?
ITS OVER 9000!!!
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Neuro
Ludologist
Registered
29/10/2006
Points
437
  
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I don't think we can be too specific with the story, since I think we should aim to get the most out of people's creativity when it comes to level design, and not restrict them to a certain narrative path. Story should be a factor for important events - which boss the player is going to fight, which characters they meet to add to their party, unlocking new sections of the game world etc.
I think I agree with Sketchy at the moment. What we have now is some detailed pre-game sequences, and we need a general plot for the game to follow. Some main points to drive the game forward towards the ending
I think the plot should support the fact that the worlds can be played through in any order, so the story has to happen in stages, rather than continuously affecting the player as they play through levels. If we're going with the pace we defined earlier, then the story can't really be that urgent, and the player shouldn't feel like they have to hurry to stop certain things from happening.
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dndfreak
Registered
11/01/2009
Points
650
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I agree mostly Neuro, however, what if time is of the essence? In my thing Marina is spreading out in all directions; every one of the worlds is under attack. This means that although the path is open, the sense of urgency to save them all is ever present. With my engine idea of three levels unlocking a story level unlocking 3 more etc., this is my add-on to the earlier story article:
(BTW, I'm considering having user-generated names so I didn't bother entering new ones)
-1st level -
witness the murder
aboard steamship Maelstrom
You, (name tba), witness the fall of your liege. The new emperor sees you and sends his guards after you. You must escape the ship without notice. -end- you board a small craft, the steamship Black Bullet, and head off in search of allies in the fight.
-story level 1-
hello *sidecharacter1*
Refugee camp on the planet Gurillian
After a quick shootout with a small scouting party, you are pinned down. thats when *1* shows up and knocks down all of the soldiers. He then tells you that the camp is constantly being pillaged by the nearby general Zalamel (again, debatable). The two of you then follow through the ruins of the nearby city to Zalamel's camp. After a brief confrontation with Zalamel's steam-powered clockwork, he escapes in his ship. *1* finds a dropped map which shows an escape route to the planet Saturn III. You try to go straight there when you spot a fleet heading to a nearby galaxy and *1* convinces you to save others like him first.
-story level 2-
Zalamel's keep
fortress on Saturn III
You touch down outside the castle when an alarm sounds and the guards ready their weapons. A battle has begun. You turn to see a group of a hundred former soldiers charging at the fortress. You join them as you make your way inside. At the back of the group, a mine blows causing the ceiling to collapse breaking you and *1* away. The pair head down a side path and encounter a series of maintenance droids- they have hammers . Anyways, you break out of there and enter through a duct into the throne room. You see Zalamel holding his sword up against the neck of *2*, leader of the militia and... guess what? She's your old girlfriend! Anyways, you kill Zalamel and *2* forgives you instantly- she broke up with you because she thought that your job was too risky. You french it up, then she tells you about what she learned of Grisa's plans. Armed with new co-ordinates, the three of you are on your ways.
-story level 3-
Uber plot twist time!
the Maelstrom
You board the all-too-familiar vessel and lead the team to the throne room to confront Grisa. When you enter you see the Emperor's advisor Count Valeron using a hypnosis device on the emperor. *2* shoots an EMP at the gadget to stop the effect. Valeron snarls at you then presses a switch on the Emporor's desk opening a trap door depositing you in the brig.
-story level 3.5-
escape the Count
the Maelstrom's brig
After about an hour, a guard comes over with the orders to bring the three to the gas chambers. Instead, he reveals himself as *3* and admits his admiration for you. He lets you all out and the four, united at last, head toward the throne room once again. When you arrive, the only thing left in the room is Grisa'a corpse. Through the back window, you see your Black Bullet speeding off into the night. After *3* pulls out a "why was I so stupid" monologue, he takes you to the hangar into a secret door and the prototype Black Bullet MK II. The chase is on.
-story level 4-
duel to the death
your home planet, Athena. (pronounced the other way, A-tha-na)
Valeron's trail of destruction leads your party to the capital and your former station, Athena. You make your way through the palace to the throne room and the Count's new lair. He is shocked by your presence and jumps out the stain glass window. Your allies all run to the window and get a face full of giant robot fist. You run out, avoid their fate, and prepare for the final battle with the giant steammech.
In the end, you crush the robot and make the final kill. It begins to rain. You look into the sky and see your allies sitting up on the roof. They're alive! Then *3* takes off his helmit, visor, and fake 'stashe to reveal Grisa. "Thank God for body doubles!"
now what do you think?
Vegeta? What does your mother say about my power level?
ITS OVER 9000!!!
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Neuro
Ludologist
Registered
29/10/2006
Points
437
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That's more like it
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MBK
Registered
07/06/2007
Points
1578
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*applauds* *whistles* *cheers* *roar of the crowd*
Nicely done dndfreak!
Click Me! http://www.create-games.com/project.asp?view=main&id=1444
http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?aoo1dnnlq5i
Blood of the Ancient One, Seen only as Shadow, Faster than Lightning, Fierce as the Greatest Dragon, Nearly Invisible, Floating in a Dream, Entered through the Demon Door, Destroyer of Evil in a Realm with a Red Sky Scarred, Who could I be ?
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Sketchy
Cornwall UK
Registered
06/11/2004
Points
1970
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That's what I'm talking about
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Matthew Wiese
The Fencer
Registered
01/02/2009
Points
149
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*Turns on dance music*
*grabs Dnd*
*Handcuffs himself to Dnd*
*Forces Dnd to dance*
That's what you get for writing a good storyline!
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Matthew Wiese
The Fencer
Registered
01/02/2009
Points
149
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Forgot the happy face.
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Jon Lambert