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Review: R0ll 54 Eater
Sounds like a pretty simple concept at first, but isn't it always the simple ideas that make the best games? Well... sometimes.
The title screen is pretty strange - a blue and red gradient with the title in a small font in the top left corner, and three buttons placed seemingly at a random place on the screen. Enthralled to find that only two of these buttons actually did anything ("Options" is greyed out, leaving only "Play" and "Quit"), I clicked the former. I was later to regret it.
Graphics are not this game's strong point - come to think of it, the game doesn't really have a strong point - you take the form of a green circle with a red border sliding about a maze of incredibly garish blocks collecting asterisks. On the first level there's a patch of semitransparent blackness that seems to do nothing except slow the game down when you touch it. An original idea to say the least.
After I'd trundled about the maze picking up the yellow things, I was thrilled to find that the next level was exactly the same, only with a path-moving grey asterisk stalking one of the corridors. I decided to avoid this and instead took the long way round, picking up asterisks as I went. With the last one picked up, I was teleported to the next level.
Which was exactly the same again. Except this time, there were two of those pesky grey asterisks patrolling the maze, so collecting the same things all over again became even more of a chore. Fortunately, the one on the right's path movement was duffed up causing it to go into a wall at one point, so I managed to get past it fairly easily.
For a laugh on that level, I collected the asterisks in a different order from normal. That gives you an idea of just how exciting this game can get.
Unable to believe my eyes at the next level, which was the same one again but with the return of the Black Blob of Doom (except it was bigger this time and caused my computer to slow down to the speed of a green-screen word processor), I set off at the speed of a geriatric snail through the level.
By the end I had just about dozed off, but fortunately I was informed that I had "Passed Part 1 'COLOURFUL'!!". At last, an escape from the technicolor blob walls. My expectations weren't very high to be honest, but I pressed on anyway.
The next level was exactly the same as all the others, would you believe, but this time the Black Square of Much Darkness had engulfed the entire screen. It was at this point that I considered hitting Alt+F4, deleting the game and reformatting my hard drive to remove all traces of its existence.
However, I decided to give the game one last chance. Proceeding at the pace of that same geriatric snail, but this time carrying a pound of potatoes on its back, I carried on. I think I might have actually dozed off during the level, but it didn't seem to matter that much as it's pretty likely that most people could complete the game in their sleep anyway.
The game then deposited me back at the title screen. I think I got 675 points in the game in total, which coincidentially is 12 away from a very appropriate number indeed. Seriously, I did try to find something good about this game, but it's just so dull and there's no challenge or incentive to complete it whatsoever. At least it's bug-free, but that's little consolation when I could have been watching Pulp Fiction. It is for that reason that I award it my first zero score. That's one achievement, at least.
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David Newton (DavidN)