The Daily Click ::. Downloads ::. Review
Review: Xmas Card
An Ashman Dissing
After playing this I resemble Krusty the Clown after he saw that 'Worker and Parasite' cartoon... "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"
"Oh Boy," Said the young lad giddily as he whipped out his favourite joystick, "I'm going to play a game!"
I feel for this boy *pats heart* right here. He got all excited about playing games with his joystick... in the perfectly innocent sense for once... and even then he was let down. This 'Card' has as much gameplay as a sack of potatoes... and at least potatoes don't give Christmas a bad name. This is almost blasphemous.. hell it is! BLASPHEMER!!!! BURN IN HELL SPAWN OF SATAN!!!!!
... *cracks knuckles*
Apparently the graphics were "All created by [Chrisisle] of course!". My eye! This game makes baby jesus cry with badly ripped, stodgy, shoddy, shonky, dodgy graphics. But having said that I found the graphics to be quite appealling... to the vomit being projected from my mouth!!!! No, seriously folks; I love all the distorted colours, white pixels around the images that were obviously editted by a drunken babboon and of course the plain, ordinary, default font and colour text that tells me the keys... yes I love them all... speaking of keys...
This is me after I saw the result of all my clicking and pressing.
Ashman : This is it?
*Angel appears on left shoulder*
Angel : Don't worry... it's got Christmas Spirit... look at the jerky snow that seems to be doing the Hokey Pokey...
*Devil appears on right shoulder*
Devil : Christmas spirit?! BAH! Where's Christmas when the mobs got you modelling that latest fashion of concrete boot to 1200 different breeds of fish... Where's Christmas when you need some moola? You know what you need to do... here's your machete...
Angel : No don't listen to him...
Ashman : QUIET YOU! *hacks angel to pieces*
Devil : NOW KILL EVERYONE!!!!
Ashman : GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!
DRAMATISATION MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED!!
Back to graphics
Ok where were we? Oh right... heaving in the toilet bowl. Now, I've decided to put my noggin to work and try to actually figure out what all these... erm... graphics are meant to be. Now obviously the white pixels are the snow... the huge black square behind the house is some kind of super laser barrier to protect the residents from radioactive beams... the green fire is some kind of magic pixie fire that doesn't burn people only Nazis, and clearly that stamp (strangely void of a letter generally where one would find a stamp) which contains all the hopes and dreams of Christmas was supposed to be addressed to some suicidal hobo just to give him that last nudge towards jumping off something high.
This is a lifetime experience... I'll be whippin' this out every Christmas... right before I knock back about a dozen shots of metholated spirits...
If this were an actually Christmas card I'd be sending it back with a note "Not good enough, try again!".
This is a disgrace to all mankind... I hope you're happy...
YOU'VE RUINED CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!
Download This Game